The other night I was sound asleep. I love being in a deep sleep, it is so wonderful and happens so rarely as a parent of toddlers.
In the middle of my deep slumber I started dreaming that someone was pressing a blunt object, like a baseball bat, continually into my lower back. This unrelenting pressure on the square of my lower back would not let up and I slowly meandered into consciousness… kind of.
Because I had been sleeping so soundly I could not quite figure out what was going on. My subconscious mind was still in dream land, but my conscious mind was slowly creeping to the forefront and letting me know this blunt object was my daughters heel.
This is were it got really trippy.
Mr. Sandman and my consciousness are now battling it out. I am in and out of sleep and quite confused as to what the heck is going on.
As I slipped back into my dream I physically grabbed the blunt object (kids foot) and pushed it out of the way. In my dream it was like this blunt object was on a spring and instantly returned to my back, more like it never even left my back. In reality my kid just happened to have two feet and she was still jabbing away with the reserve foot.
As I reached and grabbed hold of the other leg I suddenly became extremely confused.
“What kid was this?”
Normally it is Andi (child 3, age 22 months) that ended up in bed with us, but this limb felt too large to be hers.
Perhaps it was my wife’s arm? No… I definitely felt a foot at one point.
I decided to look. It was way too dark to see anything. I wasn’t mentally aware enough at this point in my sleep cycle to consider flipping on a light to see. I just decided that it didn’t matter, moved the leg and went back to sleep.
You know those moments when your so tired that you feel like you fall asleep before your head hits the pillow. That is what if felt like returning my head to my pillow… it was short lived.
It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes later my hips were again jetted forward, my lower back in pain and that foot was back.
What the? … I had to figure out who this was. I forced myself awake and low and behold it was …
… a SNAKE!
My mind was reeling trying to figure out what kid this was. I was back in between that sleep and awake stage and I literally started to feel stressed that I didn’t know who was kicking me in the back.
I even reached over and felt their face to see if I could figure it out that way. As if I was blind and the only way to recognize who this child is was to feel the contours of their cheek bones.
All I had to do was sit up, turn the light on and thats it!
My mind just would not connect the dots that if I turn the light on I can see… derp.
So I had this frighteningly weird battle in my mind. My brain was not telling me to simply turn the light on, but was frantically trying to figure out what kid was in my bed. I kept running through all these scenarios of who it could be a why. Even thinking back on it trips me out.
It should be Andi, but the leg feels too small.
Could be my wife’s arm, but I already ruled that out.
That leaves Eowyn or Hayley… WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH?!
After a few minutes of this I finally came too and flipped on the light.
Turns out it was Eowyn my oldest daughter. She somehow crawled into bed without my wife or I realizing it. She had on warm pajamas and was trying to get out from underneath the covers. (which is pretty hard when your in the middle)
Once she removed herself from the covers she just decided to stay sleeping sideways. Of course being the dad I get the feet and mom gets the head.
When your 1 year old sleeps sideways in your bed it is annoying, when your 5 year old sleeps sideways in bed it is impossible.
I finally had enough and carried her to her own bed (something I should have done about an hour before, but was not with it enough to think that far ahead).
It was an extremely odd feeling to grab someones leg, have no idea who that kid was then have my mind battle through the scene like it did.