One of mine and my wife’s best friends just had their 3rd baby a few days ago, it was their 3rd boy (so many cool motorcycles and go carts and swords and guns and cool boy things… Oh BTW I have 3 daughters!)
The sheer range of emotion (from women) that surrounded this little boy being born could only be matched if David Beckham did his Superbowl commercial live in front of this same group (I will refrain from linking to this youtube video for the sake of everyone reading this blog).
But seriously… I am not sure what happens to women who are not doing the pushing when a child is being born, but there are a few key elements of crazy that I have noticed.
- The Phone Calls – Once word got out that labor was on (like donkey kong), my wife must have received four thousand calls, made another three thousand calls and avoided 2.5 million text messages that may or may not have revealed the gender of the child.
- The Facebook Race– Every woman whether sister, mother, mother in law, grandma, neighbor, friend, or pretty much any lady who is Facebook friends with this person is trying to be the first on Facebook to post something about either the labor or the child itself. Stop that. The Facebook picture race is even worse.
I swear there was a picture of this kid on Facebook before he was even out of the womb.
Hows about a little FB etiquette 101. Lets go ahead and not announce to the FB universe every detail concerning one of the most important days in a mother and babies life… try to withhold from posting the child’s gender, time of birth, length, height, width, weight, name, head size, chest size, Apgar score, the fact it has an extra toe and/or huge facial birth mark, came out sunny side up, who it looks like, that it appears to have 4 joints in each arm because it’s so fat, it came out a different race, there were two babies not one, its a red head, it came out with glasses on, it’s holding a gun and asking for money. If you do not have permission to do so lets let either the mother or the father make the important posts. Mmmmk?
- The Hospital Visit – Why get there so early and sit closest to the door? You know they are going to ask for family to come in first, then friends, then nurses, then pets, then you. It may be better to just check out the Facebook pictures.
Men, there are only 2 ways of avoiding this kind of crazed behavior. One, already have kids that you have to watch and put to sleep for the night, if you do not have kids I believe you can rent them from REI. Two, find a random baby picture on Google, post it on Facebook and proceed to make up any or all of the details in the list above about the new baby being born.