I’ve been a Dad for nearly 6 years and I’ve never counted so much in my entire life. Math class doesn’t hold a candle to the amount I’ve counted as a father. I just never seem to get past 10.
Sometimes in parenting there are moments when some real discipline is called for. But I don’t want to smack a bees nest in this post.
Do you ever have those parenting moments where you know you are not as serious as the tone of your voice indicates, nor as stern as your contorted face muscles would imply and your kid totally calls you on it?
After a 25 minute round of wrestling as bears, I’m in a fantastic mood. I’d rather keep wrestling but mom, the big bad mean bear (which is usually played by me, but tonight…), says it is time for bed (now you see why she is the bad bear). So from here on out it goes something like this.
“Girls you need to obey mommy and go get ready for bed.” (Said in bear voice.)
No one jumps to run to their bedroom, but instead the two cute girls attack me from behind and try to tackle me… I play along.
Moments later, after a look from mom, in a bit more stern of a voice,
“Girls! If you do not go downstairs and get ready for bed there will be no stories tonight.” (An empty threat and they know it.)
The only thing that happens is the girls start making faces and dancing because they know it’ll make me laugh… It works.
And then finally it comes… the counting!
“You have 5 seconds!”
This has their attention.
“4” (they get ready)
“5” (Uh oh, they called my bluff. They are still standing in the ready position just laughing.)
“Okay girls this time is real. I am only going to count to 3.”
Now this all I have left. This cannot be a bluff. What am I going to do count to 2? That’s dumb. Count to 1? Who counts to 1?
I have to own the tone and pull off a convincing facial contortion. Either that or I’m in the dog house with the wife because its probably 10:30 by this point. So now I’m counting with some conviction.
Ah screw it!
I grab each of the girls, throw them over my shoulders like I’m carrying two barrels and haul them off to bed.
And THAT’S how to (kind of) dad!