Okay… let’s have a little one on one personal time right here. Just me and you. Let me tell you a little story.
On April fools day my lovely wife wrapped up a pregnancy test she had taken that had 2 lines on it. TWO LINES! (for those that do not know 2 lines means pregnant. 2 lines means this.) And a note that said ‘Maybe its a Boy!’.
My immediate thought was “WHAAAAAA?” (face of shock and horror) , then I thought about what day it was and laughed briefly, then remembered that my wife was late and the thought “this could be true” flashed in my mind. I mean, besides the fact that my wife won’t sleep with me because she thinks I’m fat, is this possible? (I’m just kidding, my wife doesn’t think I’m fat, she just thinks I’m getting fat, and we all know that holding hands with interlocked fingers is how pregnancy happens… Sheesh don’t freak out.)
So after a few more agonizing seconds with that devilish little grin on her face my wife finally started laughing.
“Oh thank God!” … “But wait a second, where did she get a used/positive pregnancy test? Women don’t keep those do they?” (face of shock and horror)
Don’t get me wrong, even with three kids we do want at least one more little tyke. I mean we have to go for the boy right?
But here are the facts. Kids are like the richter scale. 2 kids is not twice as hard as 1 kid, it is 10x as hard. 3 kids is 10x as hard as 2 kids making 3 kids 100x as hard as 1 kid. This scale eventually stops when the older kids can help with the menial tasks around the house, like cleaning it… all of it.
Right now we are on kid 3. She is only 10 months old (the others 2.5yrs and 4.5yrs) and pregnancy now would mean 4 kids under the ‘you’re helpful’ threshold. Making 4 kids 1000x as hard as 1 kid.
Needless to say I was happy this was a joke.
It’s like my wife’s body knew about the April fools joke and wanted to take it up a notch. Mind you she was already late on April 1st. It is the 10th.
Here is the converstation between myself and my wife. Or at least something like this… My wife asked,
“Should we take a real test?”
“No, that is a terrible idea.”
“Why is that a terrible idea?”
“As it stands right now in our minds we are not pregnant and it needs to stay that way as long as possible.”
“What if I want to take a test?”
“If you take a test just don’t tell me you even took it, unless of course its negative.”
“Then I have to know we are pregnant all by myself?”
“Yep, your decision to take the test.”
“That would not be fair to have to know by myself.”
“Are you listening anymore?”
“Sweety, look at this HowToBeADad ninja chart its hysterical.”
“You’re not even listening.”
“Babe, I already took the test for you. Came out negative.”
“You know it doesn’t work when you pee on the stick. And it cannot be some random stick from the woods.”
“I’m going to buy a test.”
“Don’t do it… its a waste of money.”
“While you’re out grab me a few Mega Millions tickets.”
“Take the girls.”
WE ARE PREGNANT!
Just kidding… Found out today we are not, but 3 weeks late? COME ON!