Just so everyone is clear. Yes that is cheese each of the girls are holding. They love their cheese.
Just so everyone is clear. Yes that is cheese each of the girls are holding. They love their cheese.
Hayley (child 2, 3 years old) has been listening to her big sister discover all sorts of words with double meanings lately.
Recently Hayley figured out a word with a triple meaning. This is what she discovered.
“(gasp)UH! Dad the word banana and banana……… (huge gasp) UUHHHH! AND BANANA!”
My youngest daughter came to me and opened up about a problem she is having.
We had a little heart to heart.
“Sweetie what did you want to talk with me about.”
(Just silence and tears.)
“Come up here on my lap. Can you tell me whats on your mind?”
“Oh your sister Hayley? What did she do?”
“Your shoes hurt?”
“You want water?”
“Your water hurts?”
“Thank you for what? I haven’t helped you yet.”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“Sorry for what?”
“Your binky hurts?”
“Oh you have a binky problem and you cannot function without a little hit from your nuk every now and then? Your pap-pap is causing you to shirk your responsibilities and is causing riffs in your relationships? You’ve built a tolerance to your binker, and now need two? You use your chew chew to relieve restlessness, insomnia, the shakes, crying and all around fits? Your life revolves around your nip-nip? You don’t play with your sisters because you’d rather be with Mr. Chew? You continue to use your soska even though you know it’s bad for you? Now two wubbanubs won’t cut it? You need how many?”
When left on their own they come up with the cutest games!
I thought I’d share with you all my Blogger Idol audition. I would have posted this earlier, but I actually sent it, never saved it and had to email Blogger Idol to get a copy.
Plus, below the audition are the other sites in the competition. Check them out they are great sites.
Blogger Idol Audition:
How do I create the vibe that this audition is more like I’m
a contestant on Wipeout then a contestant on Jeapordy (God, I hope I spelled
Jeopardy right)… disqualified!
(Mental Image: I am jumping in the air doing a karate kick.) MY NAME IS BEN
HARDEBECK! YEEAAAAAHHHHHHH. (Now I just pulled up my shirt and am pounding
my tummy, oh sorry stomach… I need more adult interaction.)
I blog about things and stuff.
(What, more specific? Okay.)
I blog about being a dad and husband… and a dude. My blog is called
MyRadDad. I picked that name because I imagined my kids saying he’s ‘My Rad
Dad’. I think sometimes people may confuse my blog for being about my dad
who is rad, but it’s not, although he is. (Have I failed on the grammatical
rule yet? Are these parenthesis annoying yet?)
If you visit my blog please be sure to hover your mouse over the image of
myself and my oldest daughter on the top left. I need some style points.
I am the next Blogger Idol and here’s my motivation. My wife can really sing
well and she tried out for American Idol. She did not make the show, not
even close. So if I am selected for Blogger Idol I will have accomplished
more as an ‘Idol’ then she will have. And plus she might give me back my
pants. Hold on just one second… I need to count the words in this
submission then call my wife to be sure I can join this competition.
Sweet, 257, 258, 259 words, and my wife said yes.
P.S. I’d love to blog about this to earn the extra credit, but I gotta go
herd cats… I mean coach kids soccer.
Other Bloggers in the competition.
What?! COME ON!
I just found out there is no Ford Commercial for Blogger Idols!
The other day I was carousing around on the interwebs and I came across this tweet from this funny dude called @Daddysincharge. I don’t remember what he tweetered, but it made me want to visit his website. On his site was this post about AJ Gill that caught my attention. I know what your thinking…
‘Oh yeah, from American Idol season 1. I love AJ Gill!’
but it wasn’t AJ Gill that caught my attention. It was this thing called…
Apparently there is a competition for bloggers to compete, be crowned champion of the blog world and win cool prizes. Who knew!?
So I jumped over to the Blogger Idol site, read the rules and thought what do I have to lose? So I auditioned… and quickly. There was only a few hours left to submit the auditions. I found it just in time.
In the interest of full transparency I will say that I completed the audition not knowing much about the competition. I figured a few bloggers out there would try out and it would be fun to be apart.
I did, however, put a lot of thought into what I wrote.
Afterwards I started looking into the competition more and it turns out more than 160 people submitted posts to try and be apart of the top 13 who get to compete. I read tons of posts from previous competitors and started getting excited about being involved.
One of the judges Facebooked me and complemented my site and said I might have a chance of making the top 13, at least she thought I had a chance.
The announcement was made this morning and guess what!!!!????
I made the top 13!
I am totally pumped. The competition runs something like this. Saturday the contestants get a blogging assignment. That blog post is due by Tuesday. Then there is voting from the fans and reviews by the judges. Then fools start getting nixed.
So I’ll need both of my loyal fans to read my posts and vote for me.
This should be a great experience and I’m excited to get to know some other bloggers out there.
A big shout out to Heather Reese, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream, for putting this whole thing together, and all the judges. And John from Daddy’s In Charge for letting me know about the competition.
This is going to be a fun ride… Unless of course I get voted out first. Then it will be more like a fair ride that cost twenty one .50 cent tickets for the family to ride and lasts 7 seconds (#ihatethosegiantfairslides).
Either way it’ll be an experience.
Step 1: Be sure that during the day your child gets plenty of exercise to work out that extra energy.
Step 2: No late naps. Taking earlier naps will help your child be more tired when ni-night comes.
Step 3: After dinner start doing calming activities like coloring or painting. No running around crazy jumping on the jungle gym.
Step 4: Stick to your reading routine and set a firm bed time.
Step 5: Read to them, lights out, then sing songs. Quietly leave the room.
Step 6: Your child will sleep through the night like an angel sleeping on clouds of fairy farts.
Step 1: Holy crap its 8:04 we need to feed the kids.
Step 2: Fetch the children from the back yard. Don’t forget a wet towel to wash their bare feet. Then ask your kids where their clothes are. (Note: Feet rag doubles as a face rag.)
Step 3: Wrestle time with daddy! As if chasing chickens in the back yard wasn’t enough to get their energy level spiking at a 10, a spastic wrestling match with dad should do the trick.
Step 4: Tell them wrestling time is over and threaten them with a spanking if they cry about it.
Step 5: Brush teeth, or just tell your 5 year old she needs to brush her teeth and her 3 year old sisters teeth.
Step 6: Son of a gun we forgot dinner. Throw an english muffin in the toaster.
Step 7: Tell them to stop crying about not getting a show and threaten no stories if they do not beat you to their bedroom.
Step 7a: Start walking to your kids bedroom.
Step 8: Tell your kids to stop crawling over the header and/or footer of the bed, and lay down for stories. Forget the pj’s they’ll strip down to their underwear anyway.
Step 9: Negotiate the number of books that will be read for night time. (Note: If your child is under 3 years old this is very easy. Just tell them that 2 is more than 5.)
Step 10: Lights out and sing your sped up shortened version of twinkle twinkle.
Step 11: Start to leave, then answer your kid when they say, “Dad?… um Dad?… um… will you?… um…” (that moment when they think of something to say) “Will you tell mommy to come down?”
Step 12: Start to leave again, then answer, “Dad?… um Dad?… um… will you?… um…” (that moment when they think of something else to say) “Will you check on me in 1 minute?”
Step 13: Leave and ignore the remaining pleas from your kid.
Step 14: Listen for foot steps down the hall, when your child appears tell them to go back to bed.
Step 15: Bring your kid back to bed. Another story or song may be in order.
Step 16: Thank God for DVR.
Eowyn, 5 years old…
So far in life I am surrounded by girls. A wife and 3 daughters means I am outnumbered at this point 4 to 1.
What does this mean for me?
Well, first off all it means I am forced into being foolish enough to try one more time for a boy. Which obviously could result in a (I’m struggling to find the right word here… can a kid be considered a catastrophe?).
Secondly it means tons of the same jokes from all my friends. So far in one week of fantasy football the only jokes about me have been something surrounding the fact I have 3 daughters. Dance recitals, there’s more girls to come, etc, etc, lol, ha ha ha. (It’s not as if my comebacks about their sons being in my daughters dance recitals are all that hilarious either.)
Thirdly, and worst of all, it means (I’m struggling to find the right word here… wait no I’m not) estrogen… and tons of it. TONS.
Now, I am aware that estrogen begins
taking over increasing in a woman once maturity starts. But you see… that’s what scares me.
All people keep saying to me is boys are harder at first, but girls are harder later. SON OF A. This is already, how you say… not easy.
The emotional range of a woman is incredible (I’m using the word incredible as a bias neutral term. It could have positive connotation or negative connotation, what’s fun is that you get to pick!).
Already my daughters are displaying such absolute disregard for steady emotional acceleration/deceleration, and their estrogen levels are being held at bay by innocence.
What is going to happen to me when I have a house full of teenage women, who’s cycles have all evilly formed alliances and are being led by their menopausal leader.
Is there any hope for me? Or will my naturally low male estrogen levels begin increasing from shear osmosis. (If you are a dude reading this laughing to yourself because I admit I have estrogen… so do you. Wikipedia it fool… or just look down at your man boobs.) It’s boring but it’s science.
At what actions in my life am I going to have to surrender my man card? That is a serious question I am asking my readers. Please share with me.
Would that action be posting a video on you tube to teach dads how to braid their daughters hair? (all the women take a deep breath and think ‘how sweet’, and all the guys are thinking ‘Oh dear god Ben, don’t do it.’)
Would it be if at some point I was more excited to pick out prom shoes with my teenage daughter than fish for coho on the Duwamish River? (LOL… that would never happen… my daughters going to prom.)
Or would it be if I cried watching 27 dresses?
Perhaps this feeling is an over-reaction and I need not worry, or perhaps I need to mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and manily* prepare for what my life will hold… TONS OF TEARS.
*Manily: of, pertaining to, or consisting of man things and preparedness.