From Hayley (3 years old):
“Is Fred Meyer a Boy?”
This past weekend my wife decided to leave me.
for 3 days to hang out with some of her friends.
And she left me with all three girls. Now this was not the first time I have had all three girls, but it is the longest that I have had them. She left Friday, gone Saturday and returned Sunday. So I had the 3 girls to take care of for 2 nights.
Fill up the days!
My plan was simple. I would fill up the days with activities in hopes that the weekend would scream on past. Well… the days screamed on past, and the nights were just full of screams. But I’ll get to that in a bit.
Friday night I took the girls to Uncle Steve’s to go catch some fish. My brother lives on a little lake and you can pretty much catch the blue gill and the sunfish with just a hook. The only problem is that our hooks were too big and we only caught one fish. (I got the right size hooks and took them back a few days later and we caught like 200.)
Then the difficult part. NIGHT TIME!
Putting 3 kids down to bed is no joke. You can pretty well kiss your read, sing, sleep ‘Bedtime Routine’ goodbye because it just don’t happen. So here is what I do. The older girls watch a cartoon at night and that is their “reading” time. Then I bring them down to bed and lights out. At this point I bring child 3 who is only 10 months old to her room and put her to sleep. Ideally the other two are sleeping by this point, but if they are not we sing and its ni-night time.
Then I proceed to spend the next 45 minutes looking through Netflix only to realize once again that Netflix streaming sucks, and settle on watching a documentary of arcade video gamers from the 80’s. When the documentary is finished I go to bed feeling happier than ever about my life. (Okay… Just kidding, I watched Arrested Development, but I did watch that arcade documentary a few weeks ago… WOW)
Does your kid have a sensor in their brains that tells them to cry when mommy or daddy’s head hits the pillow? Mine does. By the time a drag myself to bed it is past midnight. Well wouldn’t you know it that my little 10 month old angel starts crying about 5 minutes after I am in bed. What works?
Bring baby in bed? Yep… Kind of.
Because now she is hyper and laughing and smiling.
Here is a list of things that happen over the next 2 hours:
Finally after 2am I get out a frozen sack of the magic juice (breast milk). Give her a bottle and she goes back to sleep for good.
On day 2 I met up with a friend, who’s wife was with my wife, and we took our 5 kids to the spring fair. 2 dudes, 5 kids, 9 million other people, rides, cotton candy, ice cream, freaky dudes on stilts in chicken suits, some baby goats, pet a bunny, lose track of a few of our kids, should’a brought the child leash, just kidding I don’t own a child leash, wearing a bright pink ergo, my wife couldn’t have foreseen this moment and bought the grey one, corn dogs, more magic juice, not easy, a few more rides, back in the car, that was way too much work, but the kids loved it.
After that we went over to my brother in laws house. Uncle Jeff has a huge dirt hill in his back yard and the girls ran up and down the dirt hill for hours. Some more friends then came over to Jeff’s house, we played some ping pong then I had a decision to make.
The big decision.
a.) I could head home about 7:30 and put the girls in bed hopefully by 8:30 or 9. OR…
b.) I could leave at 9 and hope they fall asleep on the way home.
I went with b.) and it was a big time fail. You’d think after hours at the fair then hours of running up and sliding down a giant dirt hill would tired a kid out. Sheesh! I might not have helped that I gave them each a few red bulls. (WHOA!!! Just kidding I would never do such a thing to a 2 and 4 year old. And anyway they much prefer the monster drinks.)
We got home and I put the kids down to sleep, which was fairly easy this go around and made sure to give child 3 a bottle right before bed so her little tummy was full.
Well this night she at least let me sleep a few hours and she got up at 2am and started the cycle. She just missed mommy.
I’ll tell you what… Watching those 3 kids by myself for 2 days and 2 nights was quite a ride. That is no easy stuff. First off it gave me a better perspective for single parents out there and how strong they have to be… Props to Ya’ll!
Secondly, you know how fast 3 hours goes by when you have to feed a kid that often? Dang.
Today is child 2’s birthday. Hayley turns 3 years old today.
Happy Birthday Hayley… I love you!
Eowyn (child 1) was playing and laughing with her aunt Alivia (to the girls she is known as ‘Ia’, pronounced [ee-yu]).
Eowyn – “Ia, let go of one of my hands.”
Ia – “Why?”
Eowyn – “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Ia – “What are you thinking?”
Eowyn – “I think I’m going to slap you in the face.”
Guys, this is a warning message.
Laughing and peeing are enemies once a woman is pregnant. They seem to force each other out of a pregnant woman’s body.
So if you are the ‘funny’ guy, heed this warning.
Tonight I decided to take Eowyn (Child 1) and Hayley (Child 2) out to catch some frogs. I have been promising them for days that we would go catch them, but we needed the conditions to be just right.
We set off in the night to catch some frogs and catch some frogs we did. In fact we caught 20! TWENTY! Yeah… I know… 20 frogs. How awesome is that? I expected a couple, but they were out in full force tonight.
So we brought our catch back home and the pictures above tell the story. We were showing them off for the camera, when one suddenly escaped (see the bottom of the top right picture). This one little frog turned my frog hunters back into nurturing, caring little girls. They could care less about the other 19 frogs… their tears are for the one frog that managed to hop its way underneath the oven.
We proceeded, for the next 20 minutes (and way past their bedtime), to coax the little frog from his bunker. Finally with the help of a broom and some sweet talking the little frog emerged and ended up back in the bin with his 19 buddies.
FROG HUNTING TIP!
For those that are reading this thinking,
“I gotta take my kid frog hunting, that is cool!”
I think you are cool, and so do my girls. Here is the trick.
Night time, right after dawn, wet roads. The trick is wet roads. I have no idea why, but they love coming out onto the road when its wet and night time. As long as there are ditches and woods then you have a good chance of spotting a frog or 2, or 20.
My girls and I were driving in the car with our brights on and when we spotted a frog we would jump out and catch it. Soon just I jumped out because the road we were on actually had traffic on it (the other was a private back road.)
You can also use flash lights to spot them.
Pretty awesome I’d say.
Those frogs will live in wonderment of what may happen to them tomorrow, but they will be happy to know my girls will want to release them back into the wild. Unless we were at grandpas lake, then they would want to feed them to the bass.
Look at this cutey and her first catch of the year. She has been asking grandpa for weeks to catch a fish, so yesterday grandpa took her fishing in her Sunday church dress and she caught her first trout of the year!!!
Why a parents mouth involuntarily moves when trying to feed a baby I will never know. Early in my parenting days I thought I was immune to such actions, but as it turns out no matter how much will power I use the mouth always triumphs.
I want to know what is going through a kids mind…
“Geez, I have more control with the spoon in my hand then this guy has with his mouth. And I usually end up feeding my eye or forehead.”
Okay… let’s have a little one on one personal time right here. Just me and you. Let me tell you a little story.
On April fools day my lovely wife wrapped up a pregnancy test she had taken that had 2 lines on it. TWO LINES! (for those that do not know 2 lines means pregnant. 2 lines means this.) And a note that said ‘Maybe its a Boy!’.
My immediate thought was “WHAAAAAA?” (face of shock and horror) , then I thought about what day it was and laughed briefly, then remembered that my wife was late and the thought “this could be true” flashed in my mind. I mean, besides the fact that my wife won’t sleep with me because she thinks I’m fat, is this possible? (I’m just kidding, my wife doesn’t think I’m fat, she just thinks I’m getting fat, and we all know that holding hands with interlocked fingers is how pregnancy happens… Sheesh don’t freak out.)
So after a few more agonizing seconds with that devilish little grin on her face my wife finally started laughing.
“Oh thank God!” … “But wait a second, where did she get a used/positive pregnancy test? Women don’t keep those do they?” (face of shock and horror)
Don’t get me wrong, even with three kids we do want at least one more little tyke. I mean we have to go for the boy right?
But here are the facts. Kids are like the richter scale. 2 kids is not twice as hard as 1 kid, it is 10x as hard. 3 kids is 10x as hard as 2 kids making 3 kids 100x as hard as 1 kid. This scale eventually stops when the older kids can help with the menial tasks around the house, like cleaning it… all of it.
Right now we are on kid 3. She is only 10 months old (the others 2.5yrs and 4.5yrs) and pregnancy now would mean 4 kids under the ‘you’re helpful’ threshold. Making 4 kids 1000x as hard as 1 kid.
Needless to say I was happy this was a joke.
It’s like my wife’s body knew about the April fools joke and wanted to take it up a notch. Mind you she was already late on April 1st. It is the 10th.
Here is the converstation between myself and my wife. Or at least something like this… My wife asked,
“Should we take a real test?”
“No, that is a terrible idea.”
“Why is that a terrible idea?”
“As it stands right now in our minds we are not pregnant and it needs to stay that way as long as possible.”
“What if I want to take a test?”
“If you take a test just don’t tell me you even took it, unless of course its negative.”
“Then I have to know we are pregnant all by myself?”
“Yep, your decision to take the test.”
“That would not be fair to have to know by myself.”
“Are you listening anymore?”
“Sweety, look at this HowToBeADad ninja chart its hysterical.”
“You’re not even listening.”
“Babe, I already took the test for you. Came out negative.”
“You know it doesn’t work when you pee on the stick. And it cannot be some random stick from the woods.”
“I’m going to buy a test.”
“Don’t do it… its a waste of money.”
“While you’re out grab me a few Mega Millions tickets.”
“Take the girls.”
WE ARE PREGNANT!
Just kidding… Found out today we are not, but 3 weeks late? COME ON!